Recently, I was talking with one of my good friends and we both had an epiphany on the phone- we both realized that we had been dating down most of our lives. At the time, we were talking about dating guys not on our level- emotionally, mentally, career-wise, financially, etc., but the following day I came to another revelation- I had been dating down when it came to spirituality as well.
The epiphany we had is that we would always give these guys chances that were not necessarily on our same level and as a result, those relationships would eventually end because in the end, they could never make us happy and we did not make them happy because they eventually found someone else that they could actually take care of. The fact is, a man needs to be able to feel like a man and I have learned that no matter how much I build up a man through encouragement or actions, if he does not feel like a man when he is with me, then it will not work.
The main text we have to help explain what we should look for in our mates comes from 2 Corinthians 6:14- Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
Now I know this scripture addresses being unequally yoked with an unbeliever, and that is true, but I also think that scripture applies to dating believers, who are not on the same spiritual level as you.
The fact is, someone saying that they are a "Christian" nowadays does not really tell us much. You would think that all self-proclaimed Christians believe that there is only One way to the Father, through Jesus Christ, who saved us from a life of sin and death. However, many Christians have many varying beliefs about things that are settled through the Word of God- the Bible. Now, as a disclaimer, I am not talking about Christians who slip up and miss the mark in life from time to time and do things that are against God's Word- we all have sinned. However, I am talking about Christians who think it is ok or acceptable to do certain things that the Bible does not condone. By way of example....
- Some Christians think it is ok to get drunk
- Some Christians think it is ok to have sexual relations- actual intercourse, oral sex, etc before marriage
-Some Christians think that it is ok to not fulfill God's purpose for their lives
-Some Christians think that it is ok not to pray and meditate on God's Word daily
-Some Christians think that it is ok to hold unforgiveness in their heart against someone
-Some Christians think it is ok to not seek God first in their lives when it comes to jobs, relationships, finances, etc.
So the fact that a guy tells me that he is a Christian does not really tell me much by way of being equally yoked. I have to look at their lifestyle, what they are conversing about, etc. And for me, if a husband is supposed to be the spiritual head of the home, he has to be able to cover me spiritually in prayer. He has to know how to protect me and our family through spiritual warfare. He has to have a personal relationship with the Father and know who he is in Christ. And that is only going to take a mature believer.
Look- we are all on different spiritual levels in terms of our walk with God. But you must be honest. If you know you are a prayer warrior you should not seek out new Christians, or even people who have been in the church most of their life, but have not cultivated their relationship with Christ. It is imperative for your happiness. It is beyond church attendance, it is about relationship!
I mean ladies, it is really up to you. When I was younger and weaker in my faith, I would hide my relationship with God in terms of the guys I was meeting. Jesus would not be a first date conversation as I was scared that they would not really love Jesus as I did. That was my immaturity. Right now, Jesus is a first phone conversation. If I love the Lord with all my heart, why would I be with someone that either hated Him or ignored Him? And let's be honest. There is no middle ground in the Bible. Either you are hot or cold. (Revelation 3:15-16) Either you are for God or against Him.
So at the end of the day if I am considered bougie or picky because I won't date down when it comes to spirituality, then so be it. I refuse to settle when it comes to my God. I have to trust the man that I am dating (as I am not dating frivoulusly, but with the purpose of marriage) has relationship with my Father so that when trials do come, he knows who to turn to. And it does not have to mean that your man is a preacher, pastor or minister. Any man who seeks God for himself and reads the Bible and studies and has a relationship with God could be spiritually mature.
As a last note, I truly believe that people can change from the power of God and Holy Spirit in their lives. That is a truth and a fact. However, wait until you see the change. Don't be so quick to accept a spouse who does not have it together in turns of their walk with God because you are going to help them in their walk. Women especially, we are nurturers and I have been there before trying to encourage a nonbeliever to become a believer because I liked him. It does not work. That person needs to accept Christ for themselves and not with the motivation of just being with you. As one of my friends said, "I am not going to sign up for crazy" and I truly agree. Once you are married, you have to deal, but before, you have to be a good steward and carefully consider the person that is before you.
A lot of things on our so called lists are negotiable, but when it comes to faith- that is an absolute necessity!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Run Your Own Race
One thing I've realized about being single is that it is easy to get distracted from your own race. You are peddling along fine in your single walk. You know that you are trusting God and having faith and believing for the promises to manifest concerning your mate and other stuff. You are in a good place. And then you see an ex with a new date. Or then a friend gets engaged. Or another friend has a baby. These are perfectly normal events, joyous occasions even, and you are genuinely happy for these people, but then at the end of the day something within you wants to stop and contemplate what this all means for your life,
Why? Why do we do that? Or let me personalize this- why do I do that? What does a friend getting married have to do with you getting married? What does a co-worker having a baby have to do with you and your future kids? Nothing at all. So why do we dwell on it like there is some magical number of blessings that can happen and they took the last one. Come on, God is much bigger than all of that- and as they always say, what God has for you is just for you. Nobody can take away your blessing and the fact that someone received something that you are praying for should make you rejoice because God is no respecter of persons and what He did for your ex, he can certainly do for you!
Don't limit God! We try to equate God to the world and its standards and that will never work. God made this world, so He is not defined by its rules or customs, He is above it all.
We just have to learn to run our own race. Have you ever seen a hurdler trying to jump over the hurdles of the person next to them? No. And you know why? Well one they would probably get disqualified, but also because it is not going to get them their end goal, to win the race,. We cannot be so focused on what's happening next to us as it relates to our race. We each have unique races and plans from God. God is infinite enough to give us all our own plan and our own race. Just because Susie got married at 29 does not mean you won't be married at 31. You cannot compare races. It will get you no where and it will only get you upset about the race God has for you.
And I have learned, let us not be those grumbling, complaining children of Israel. I say that knowing perfectly well that I have been one of them many times in the past, but as of 2010 I have worked very consciously not to be a complainer because I know I am getting out of my own wilderness time for good and you should too.
As Hebrews 12:1 says- ...and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.
Basically keep your eyes focused on your own race and don't be swayed, moved, or worried by what's going on around you. Susie's race is not your race. Tommy's race is not your race. You cannot run your race effectively when you are so focused on what everyone else is doing. God deals with us personally and He is going to give you the steps to run your race. Stay dilligent and persisent with your own race even if it looks like you are not going anywhere because in all actuality, you are progressing everyday.
I say all of this because I know, I have been there. It usually happens when you are in someone's wedding. You are so happy for them and you are the good friend throughout, but when the wedding is over, you go home to your single apartment alone and the enemy wants you to get depressed and wants you to think,
Why did she get married? I have been praying longer than her...She don't even go to church that often...
And then jealousy and envy start knocking at your door to come into your mind and have a foothold. And I know it's the enemy because several hours before you were crying and really happy, but then you feel resentful and upset. Don't be moved by that mess! Rejoice with others and run your own race! If you stay connected to God, He will make sure you make it to the end and get YOUR prize!
Why? Why do we do that? Or let me personalize this- why do I do that? What does a friend getting married have to do with you getting married? What does a co-worker having a baby have to do with you and your future kids? Nothing at all. So why do we dwell on it like there is some magical number of blessings that can happen and they took the last one. Come on, God is much bigger than all of that- and as they always say, what God has for you is just for you. Nobody can take away your blessing and the fact that someone received something that you are praying for should make you rejoice because God is no respecter of persons and what He did for your ex, he can certainly do for you!
Don't limit God! We try to equate God to the world and its standards and that will never work. God made this world, so He is not defined by its rules or customs, He is above it all.
We just have to learn to run our own race. Have you ever seen a hurdler trying to jump over the hurdles of the person next to them? No. And you know why? Well one they would probably get disqualified, but also because it is not going to get them their end goal, to win the race,. We cannot be so focused on what's happening next to us as it relates to our race. We each have unique races and plans from God. God is infinite enough to give us all our own plan and our own race. Just because Susie got married at 29 does not mean you won't be married at 31. You cannot compare races. It will get you no where and it will only get you upset about the race God has for you.
And I have learned, let us not be those grumbling, complaining children of Israel. I say that knowing perfectly well that I have been one of them many times in the past, but as of 2010 I have worked very consciously not to be a complainer because I know I am getting out of my own wilderness time for good and you should too.
As Hebrews 12:1 says- ...and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.
Basically keep your eyes focused on your own race and don't be swayed, moved, or worried by what's going on around you. Susie's race is not your race. Tommy's race is not your race. You cannot run your race effectively when you are so focused on what everyone else is doing. God deals with us personally and He is going to give you the steps to run your race. Stay dilligent and persisent with your own race even if it looks like you are not going anywhere because in all actuality, you are progressing everyday.
I say all of this because I know, I have been there. It usually happens when you are in someone's wedding. You are so happy for them and you are the good friend throughout, but when the wedding is over, you go home to your single apartment alone and the enemy wants you to get depressed and wants you to think,
Why did she get married? I have been praying longer than her...She don't even go to church that often...
And then jealousy and envy start knocking at your door to come into your mind and have a foothold. And I know it's the enemy because several hours before you were crying and really happy, but then you feel resentful and upset. Don't be moved by that mess! Rejoice with others and run your own race! If you stay connected to God, He will make sure you make it to the end and get YOUR prize!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Stop the Virus!
Stop the Virus!
I know I was supposed to write about why we as singles settle in terms of relationships, but Holy Spirit has given me this revelation that I must get out tonight. When God speaks, you better listen- that's what I say.
Anyways, about a week ago, I had a virus on my computer. I had no idea how it got there. One minute I am listening to music, the next day all these weird pop-ups started appearing telling me that I had a virus on my computer and I needed to buy their service to get it off. Well I knew from jump that the pop-ups were actually the virus, but I could not get rid of them. Here is where the lesson comes in.
I tried all these manual methods to try to get rid of the virus. All these different websites had step by step instructions (supposedly) on how to get rid of this particular virus. I even knew the name of the virus. So I am thinking, ok if I follow these steps it will be gone. Well, I stayed up all night (at least to 3am) following these painstaking steps to get rid of this virus for once and for all. Around 3 am I did not see any more pop-ups, I felt accomplished, I thanked God and I went to bed.
The next morning, I go to check my email, but really I am also going to check all the work I did last night, and as soon as I turn on my computer, I see another pop-up. What?! I stayed up for over 3 hours and the viruses were still there. That morning I found out that I actually did get rid of most of the viruses, but not all of them.
I was not pleased. You mean to tell me I stayed up for nothing?! So that's when I knew I had a problem that was bigger than me and my capabilities so I needed a professional. So I called a friend of mine who knows ALL about computers. He called me back and I told him my problem with the virus and that I needed it gone and I did not have the time, patience, or expertise to do it myself.
He started to explain to me that the most complete way to fix my problem was to strip my computer of everything that was on it by saving my important documents on his hard drive, and then put the computer in a safe mode where he can eliminate everything else from the computer.
He said that viruses normally spread and once one enters your computer, then others follow, and then eventually they will infiltrate your hardware on your computer.
He told me that once the computer was completely stripped, to put back the documents and programs that I wanted on the computer, as well as get a anti-virus program that will scan the computer.
To end this story, he did that and now my computer functions at full capacity!
I hope as you were reading this story, you see how this parallels our lives. Many of you desire different things in your life, whether it is to be married, to get a certain job, whatever. But sometimes, we as human beings, fall and miss the mark and sin.
Usually we try to initially deal with it ourselves, like I did. We try to find a way out for ourselves, or we seek advice from friends and family. That was me trying to follow the instructions off the computer. But get this key point- YOU CAN'T DO IT YOURSELF! There is no way we can fix our own mess-ups and neither can your friends or family. The only way you will ever get a complete healing is to go to the Father, who made you. You have to allow the Father to strip you of everything that you have known about yourself, which is no easy process.
The stripping process hurts, but in order to be elevated in God, we must all have to go through it at some point. It is a painful, but in order for God to use you, you have to get rid of all the flesh, the world, and the sin that so easily entangles us, so that He can have a vessel to use for His purposes. And the only way we can do that is by submitting to Christ and allowing Him to be Lord over our lives.
Notice though, that the Father strips you in "safe-mode." When the Father is stripping you, He puts you in a place, usually in isolation away from everyone else. He deals with you one on one. He does not broadcast your business to everyone. You are covered and protected because He is covering you with His wings and feathers.
But know that if I did not get rid of the virus completely that it would have continued to get worse. That is what happens to sin unaddressed. It multiplies. Why? Because each time we sin, we give the devil a foothold, a place to act in our lives. (Ephesians 4:27). And although, you may move on with your life, you still have this nagging pop-up that appears in your life. You think to yourself, I thought I got rid of anger, lust, fornication, abuse, low self esteem, but then another version of it appears in your life. That's what happens when you don't deal with the root of sin in your life.
The good news is that we have a Father, who is Lord over all viruses. He created everything in heaven and earth, so He knows how to get rid of them all. Complete healing and restoration only comes from the Father- not from ourselves or others, and He will wipe away every trace of mess that was in your life so that you are able to function in the full capacity that He created you to function in. Then you will begin to receive all the promises you are waiting for. God is the ultimate anti-virus program, and we need to utilize Him today so that we can walk in the high calling of Christ Jesus, not just for our lives, but our future spouses and children that are to come. Remember, they are waiting on you to get it together, so let's do this!
Thank You Jesus!
Kelli
I know I was supposed to write about why we as singles settle in terms of relationships, but Holy Spirit has given me this revelation that I must get out tonight. When God speaks, you better listen- that's what I say.
Anyways, about a week ago, I had a virus on my computer. I had no idea how it got there. One minute I am listening to music, the next day all these weird pop-ups started appearing telling me that I had a virus on my computer and I needed to buy their service to get it off. Well I knew from jump that the pop-ups were actually the virus, but I could not get rid of them. Here is where the lesson comes in.
I tried all these manual methods to try to get rid of the virus. All these different websites had step by step instructions (supposedly) on how to get rid of this particular virus. I even knew the name of the virus. So I am thinking, ok if I follow these steps it will be gone. Well, I stayed up all night (at least to 3am) following these painstaking steps to get rid of this virus for once and for all. Around 3 am I did not see any more pop-ups, I felt accomplished, I thanked God and I went to bed.
The next morning, I go to check my email, but really I am also going to check all the work I did last night, and as soon as I turn on my computer, I see another pop-up. What?! I stayed up for over 3 hours and the viruses were still there. That morning I found out that I actually did get rid of most of the viruses, but not all of them.
I was not pleased. You mean to tell me I stayed up for nothing?! So that's when I knew I had a problem that was bigger than me and my capabilities so I needed a professional. So I called a friend of mine who knows ALL about computers. He called me back and I told him my problem with the virus and that I needed it gone and I did not have the time, patience, or expertise to do it myself.
He started to explain to me that the most complete way to fix my problem was to strip my computer of everything that was on it by saving my important documents on his hard drive, and then put the computer in a safe mode where he can eliminate everything else from the computer.
He said that viruses normally spread and once one enters your computer, then others follow, and then eventually they will infiltrate your hardware on your computer.
He told me that once the computer was completely stripped, to put back the documents and programs that I wanted on the computer, as well as get a anti-virus program that will scan the computer.
To end this story, he did that and now my computer functions at full capacity!
I hope as you were reading this story, you see how this parallels our lives. Many of you desire different things in your life, whether it is to be married, to get a certain job, whatever. But sometimes, we as human beings, fall and miss the mark and sin.
Usually we try to initially deal with it ourselves, like I did. We try to find a way out for ourselves, or we seek advice from friends and family. That was me trying to follow the instructions off the computer. But get this key point- YOU CAN'T DO IT YOURSELF! There is no way we can fix our own mess-ups and neither can your friends or family. The only way you will ever get a complete healing is to go to the Father, who made you. You have to allow the Father to strip you of everything that you have known about yourself, which is no easy process.
The stripping process hurts, but in order to be elevated in God, we must all have to go through it at some point. It is a painful, but in order for God to use you, you have to get rid of all the flesh, the world, and the sin that so easily entangles us, so that He can have a vessel to use for His purposes. And the only way we can do that is by submitting to Christ and allowing Him to be Lord over our lives.
Notice though, that the Father strips you in "safe-mode." When the Father is stripping you, He puts you in a place, usually in isolation away from everyone else. He deals with you one on one. He does not broadcast your business to everyone. You are covered and protected because He is covering you with His wings and feathers.
But know that if I did not get rid of the virus completely that it would have continued to get worse. That is what happens to sin unaddressed. It multiplies. Why? Because each time we sin, we give the devil a foothold, a place to act in our lives. (Ephesians 4:27). And although, you may move on with your life, you still have this nagging pop-up that appears in your life. You think to yourself, I thought I got rid of anger, lust, fornication, abuse, low self esteem, but then another version of it appears in your life. That's what happens when you don't deal with the root of sin in your life.
The good news is that we have a Father, who is Lord over all viruses. He created everything in heaven and earth, so He knows how to get rid of them all. Complete healing and restoration only comes from the Father- not from ourselves or others, and He will wipe away every trace of mess that was in your life so that you are able to function in the full capacity that He created you to function in. Then you will begin to receive all the promises you are waiting for. God is the ultimate anti-virus program, and we need to utilize Him today so that we can walk in the high calling of Christ Jesus, not just for our lives, but our future spouses and children that are to come. Remember, they are waiting on you to get it together, so let's do this!
Thank You Jesus!
Kelli
Thursday, January 28, 2010
What's Wrong With Me???
I know what you're thinking... because if you are a single, saved sista, you have thought about it at least one time in your life, what's wrong with me? Well this blog is not going to be a co-signer to your pity-party. I will let you know what is wrong with you.
Absolutely Nothing!
There is nothing wrong with you or me. You know why? Because we are are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of the Only Living God.
Well since that is settled, let me introduce myself. My name is Kelli and this blog is going to channel the joys, frustrations, questions, and deep thoughts that come with being a saved, single beautiful sista, no matter what color, shape or size you are.
I had to start this blog because I have too many friends that fit the prototype of the saved, single sista and too often they get to that point where they ask themselves, what's wrong with me? I know, because I have been there. God has blessed me many different revelations regarding my single life and I hope to share them in this blog.
So today's topic is What's wrong with me? Well I already told you nothing, but let me explain.
So many times as a single person, you are asked why you are not married and people, (either well meaning or not), begin to dissect your life and ask you why you are the way you are.
As a single person, it is not only annoying but frustrating because people are asking you to explain your life to them, like you have to justify to them why you are single and that you are not crazy. They love to ask you questions that they or you probably do not have the answers to.
For example, here are a few of my choice favorites:
Why are you single?
Do you even want to get married?
What are you waiting for?
So you are really picky?
Are you focused on your career?
Again, these are just a few, but come on, what are we to say to those questions? How can you intelligently answer them? No answer will suffice. And nobody ever wants to hear the truth.
The worst part about it is no matter how confident and self-assured you are in Christ, once those questions are asked, the seeds of doubt begin to try to take root in your mind. You ask yourself, yeah, why am I single? Am I supposed to get married? Maybe I am too picky? Maybe I do work too much? And then finally, what's wrong with me?
Let me tell you sista, you are not alone in this battle. There are a few of us holding on to our faith and holding on to the Word that says, "Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalms 37:4.
Don't allow those doubts to take root in your heart. Stop them at the door. You have that authority. For 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."
So cast down those thoughts, questions, and seeds that try to exalt themselves higher than what God's Word says: that it is not good for man to be alone and that two are better than one.
If you have a desire to be married, you will be married. God placed that desire within you. Don't doubt it, but you are going to have to use your faith.
So the next time someone asks you one of those annoying questions, turn it around on them. If they are single, ask them why they are single. If they are married, ask them why they are married. See how the person likes to have their life dissected.
Remember, that if you seek ye first the kingdom of God, everything else will be added unto you. So don't worry, it's gonna happen. It is inevitable. Stay strong and keep the faith.
I hope this has been an encouragement to you and please stay tuned to the next edition- -
Why We Settle?
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