Are you Dating Down???

Recently, I was talking with one of my good friends and we both had an epiphany on the phone- we both realized that we had been dating down most of our lives.  At the time, we were talking about dating guys not on our level- emotionally, mentally, career-wise, financially, etc., but the following day I came to another revelation- I had been dating down when it came to spirituality as well.

The epiphany we had is that we would always give these guys chances that were not necessarily on our same level and as a result, those relationships would eventually end because in the end, they could never make us happy and we did not make them happy because they eventually found someone else that they could actually take care of.  The fact is, a man needs to be able to feel like a man and I have learned that no matter how much I build up a man through encouragement or actions, if he does not feel like a man when he is with me, then it will not work. 

The main text we have to help explain what we should look for in our mates comes from 2 Corinthians 6:14- Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

Now I know this scripture addresses being unequally yoked with an unbeliever, and that is true, but I also think that scripture applies to dating believers, who are not on the same spiritual level as you.

The fact is, someone saying that they are a "Christian"  nowadays does not really tell us much.  You would think that all self-proclaimed Christians believe that there is only One way to the Father, through Jesus Christ, who saved us from a life of sin and death.  However, many Christians have many varying beliefs about things that are settled through the Word of God- the Bible.  Now, as a disclaimer, I am not talking about Christians who slip up and miss the mark in life from time to time and do things that are against God's Word- we all have sinned.  However, I am talking about Christians who think it is ok or acceptable to do certain things that the Bible does not condone.  By way of example....

- Some Christians think it is ok to get drunk

- Some Christians think it is ok to have sexual relations- actual intercourse, oral sex, etc before marriage


-Some Christians think that it is ok to not fulfill God's purpose for their lives


-Some Christians think that it is ok not to pray and meditate on God's Word daily


-Some Christians think that it is ok to hold unforgiveness in their heart against someone


-Some Christians think it is ok to not seek God first in their lives when it comes to jobs, relationships, finances, etc.

So the fact that a guy tells me that he is a Christian does not really tell me much by way of being equally yoked.  I have to look at their lifestyle, what they are conversing about, etc.  And for me, if a husband is supposed to be the spiritual head of the home, he has to be able to cover me spiritually in prayer.  He has to know how to protect me and our family through spiritual warfare.   He has to have a personal relationship with the Father and know who he is in Christ. And that is only going to take a mature believer. 

Look- we are all on different spiritual levels in terms of our walk with God.  But you must be honest.  If you know you are a prayer warrior you should not seek out new Christians, or even people who have been in the church most of their life, but have not cultivated their relationship with Christ.  It is imperative for your happiness.  It is beyond church attendance, it is about relationship!

I mean ladies, it is really up to you.  When I was younger and weaker in my faith, I would hide my relationship with God in terms of the guys I was meeting.  Jesus would not be a first date conversation as I was scared that they would not really love Jesus as I did.  That was my immaturity.  Right now, Jesus is a first phone conversation.  If I love the Lord with all my heart, why would I be with someone that either hated Him or ignored Him?  And let's be honest.  There is no middle ground in the Bible.  Either you are hot or cold. (Revelation 3:15-16)   Either you are for God or against Him. 

So at the end of the day if I am considered bougie or picky because I won't date down when it comes to spirituality, then so be it.  I refuse to settle when it comes to my God.  I have to trust the man that I am dating (as I am not dating frivoulusly, but with the purpose of marriage) has relationship with my Father so that when trials do come, he knows who to turn to.  And it does not have to mean that your man is a preacher, pastor or minister.  Any man who seeks God for himself and reads the Bible and studies and has a relationship with God could be spiritually mature. 

As a last note, I truly believe that people can change from the power of God and Holy Spirit in their lives.  That is a truth and a fact. However, wait until you see the change.  Don't be so quick to accept a spouse who does not have it together in turns of their walk with God because you are going to help them in their walk.  Women especially, we are nurturers and I have been there before trying to encourage a nonbeliever to become a believer because I liked him.  It does not work.  That person needs to accept Christ for themselves and not with the motivation of just being with you.   As one of my friends said, "I am not going to sign up for crazy"  and I truly agree.  Once you are married, you have to deal, but before, you have to be a good steward and carefully consider the person that is before you. 

A lot of things on our so called lists are negotiable, but when it comes to faith- that is an absolute necessity!